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G21.net Established on the WWW 1996 Issue #455: AN ACCOUNTING G21 FICTION MPHUTHUMI NTABENI, South Africa JOIN OUR MAILING LIST. It contains more jokes than not. G21 E-MAIL NEWSLETTER HOUSE OF CARDS YOU, The World RADIO*ACTIVE RADIO RAHEEM, United States SMOKE & MIRRORS ROD AMIS, G21 World HQ TABLOID HART THOMAS HART, United States VOX POPULI YOU, The World THE PREVIOUS EDITION MEET THE G-CREW! These are the people behind this jam-band every week. HOME TABLE OF CONTENTS & BACK ISSUES BECOME A SPONSOR OF THE WORLD'S MAGAZINE. WHY should you advertise here? We'll tell you. We know you're lazy. Here's a button for a quick translation of this page. Just click on the flag for your country. You're welcome! OR TRY THIS GOOGLE TRANSLATION SERVICE.

THE WORLD - Forwarded by DC, Largo, FL, USA:

Those of us who have dealt directly with bureaucracies will truly appreciate this.

As most of you receiving this know, New Orleans residents are challenged often with the task of tracing home titles back potentially hundreds of years. With a community rich with history stretching back over two centuries, houses have been passed along through generations of family, making it quite difficult to establish ownership.

Here's a great letter an attorney wrote to the FHA on behalf of a client that I thought was absolutely priceless!!

You gotta love this lawyer... it's too good not to share!

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply.

(Actual letter):

"Upon review of your letter adjoining your cli ent's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803.

"Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows (actual letter):

"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S., from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application.

"For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain.

"The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. The good queen, Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus' expedition.

"Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana. God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back, to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our damn loan?"

The loan was approved.

From Clarius U., Port Harcourt, NIGERIA:

WELL DONE, British Airways

This scene took place on a BA flight between Johannesburg, South Africa and London, England.

A white woman, about 50 years old, was seated next to a black man. Obviously disturbed by this, she called the air hostess. "You obviously do not see it then?" she responded.? "You placed me next to a black man. I do not agree to sit next to someone from such a repugnant group. Give me an alternative seat."

"Be calm please," the hostess replied. "Almost all the places on this flight are taken. I will go to see if another place is available."

The hostess went away and then came back a few minutes later. "Madam, just as I thought, there are no other available seats in the economy class. I spoke to the Captain and he informed me that there is also no seat in the business class. All the same, we still have one place in the first class."

Before the woman could say anything, the hostess continued. "It is not usual for our company to permit someone from the economy class to sit in the first class. however, given the circumstances, the Captain feels that it would be scandalous to make someone sit next to someone sooooo disgusting."

She turned to the black guy, and said "Therefore, sir, if you would like to, please collect your hand luggage, a seat awaits you in first class."

At that moment, the other passengers, who'd been shocked by what they had just witnessed, stood up and applauded.

This is a true story. if you are against racism, please send this message to all your friends; please do not delete it without sending it to at least one person.

WELL DONE, British Airways

From Ric W., Austin, TX, USA:

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly,? made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly out into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a? torrential downpour.

There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph and, after driving a couple of blocks, I turned around and headed back home.

I turned on the radio as I pulled into my garage and heard that the weather would be bad throughout the day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

She awakened enough only to sleepily reply, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

From AJ, Nairobi, KENYA:

Corporate Lesson 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower,when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.

"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Corporate Lesson 2: A priest offered a lift to a nun.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand.

But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Corporate Lesson 3: A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk.

"I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world" Poof! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Corporate Lesson 4: A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"

The crow answered: "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

Corporate Lesson 5 : A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey,but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top ofthe tree.

Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshoet might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

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